God cavities

If you go trick or treating in Lovingston, Virginia, you can expect to see:

1) historic houses with haunted front yards bombed with synthetic spiderwebs;

2) goth teenagers in extra-wide, circa 1996 skateboard pants;

3) a piglet in a tiger cub costume (and some other people);

4) a coven of six-year-old Disney princesses holding hands, clotheslining other children on their way to the candy;

5) preternaturally smiley and generous people handing out neon glow sticks and Ziplock bags stuffed full of Sweet Tarts, Whoppers, and Sprees. They were positioned on both sides of the Lovingston main street, doling out their goods not from a front porch, but from giant garbage bags on the sidewalk. “Those people are awesome,” I said. “They gave me my own glow bracelet. It’s pink.” “Seems suspicious,” said Darren. Then I reached into my candy sack and found a religious pamphlet published by Billy Graham and company. On the cover were cute cartoon kids dressed in Halloween costumes. They were walking up a shining path lit by pumpkins with trick or treat bags in their hands. At the end of the path was a gold mansion where God lived. Apparently God gives out the best candy.