Monthly Archives: April 2008

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Another short and sweet post about arm wrestling

I give you the best multimedia feature about arm wrestling the Daily Progress has ever done.

Crazy about Todd Levin

Today’s Morning News features an essay by Todd Levin in his “Consoles I Have Known” series. Levin is a singularly gifted writer and comedian with a website and a love/hate relationship with video games. In this essay, entitled “Praystation,” he tackles both the phenomenon of Great Writers Who Move to New York City to Be Famous and End Up Writing Shitty Online Copy about Bass Fishing,  and the Chinatown bootleg gaming industry. This is the read of the day unless I write something equally brilliant later, which is unlikely.

Hot damn, it’s going to be a good day after all

Nerve and IFC present. . .

The 50 Greatest Comedy Sketches of All Time.

Things may be quiet on Onestarwatt…

But they’re burning up on the VQR blog.

Another thing I’m up against today

Birds are pretty cool, but in the springtime they are always instigating fights with clean windows and mirrors. If I think about it too much, I might start losing respect for the cardinal that keeps hurling himself into my boss’s car, asking that punk rearview mirror, “You think you’re better than me? You think you’re a hotshot because you got into the MFA program and I didn’t? Oh, so you’re going to cry now, you whiny baby?”

My weekend was a country song

I have bookmarked a hundred things that I want to blog about, but all the links are on my home computer and I’m currently at work. And I refuse to write about what I did over the weekend, because that’s no one’s business. Even though what I did was REALLY cool. I could win the gold medal in the Drivin’ & Cryin’ event at the Olympics. I can simultaneously cry, steer, change gears, make note of the speed limit, and find the most tearjerking song on the radio. But I’ve been training ever since I got my license. I keep tissues in the glove compartment. Maybe I just own the world’s saddest Honda.

Someone just got a new non-paying job!

I’m the new male genitalia correspondent for the Virginia Quarterly Review! Best literary blog in the world! On its way downhill starting today! Unless they fire me!

Life lessons learned on April Fool’s Day

1. If you’re applying to an MFA program at a prestigious university affiliated with Thomas Jefferson, perhaps the fiction you submit shouldn’t be about the following:

a) oral sex

b) dildos made out of balloons

c) shit smell

In case there’s anyone else out there who didn’t know that intuitively, consider this cautionary tale my gift to you.

2. If a big-name New York literary agent tells you that MFA programs are a waste of time, and then two days later you are rejected from an MFA program, guess who is your new hero.

3. Don’t waste your time being hateful, just find out how to be employed during the 08-09 academic year.

4. The best revenge is blogging for the VQR, my spectacular new gig.

5. The second best revenge is curling up on the couch for two hours. That’ll show ’em! Yesterday I babysat Tula, my sister’s puppy, and she was so happy eating my slipper and peeing in the grass and sniffing dead worms while I miserably buried my head in the couch cushions, and I thought, “There’s probably a life lesson in here somewhere.” But no, in fact there wasn’t. I took Tula home so I could grieve in peace.