This morning the bbf’s mom sent a mass email saying that BABY RACCOONS were camping out in a TREE in her BACKYARD. Best of all, she included VIDEO DOCUMENTATION.
I immediately wrote back: “Mary, get your raccoon-catching net and bag those things. I want them in a UPS box on my doorstep first thing Monday morning.”
I asked the three-year-old grandchild if she had watched the raccoon video. “Yeah,” she said.
“I told Meemo to mail me the babies,” I said.
“Are you going to kill them?”
I assured her that no, I was not going to kill them. I am not a monster. Then I put on a little snuff film called The Land Before Time.