I am leaving you; don’t try to follow me

Dearest readers,

You may have heard rumors about my selling the Cuisinart, buying a plane ticket to the Old World, and alighting on that continent for the remainder of the summer.

The rumors are true. The bbf and I leave for Cascais, Portugal, in a week. Do not try to follow me. Do not try to keep me here in Virginia. Your anguished tears cannot prevent the inevitable. Your impoverished feet cannot walk across the ocean. Your nine-to-five physiques cannot adapt to surfing and lounging as well as mine.

I can see that you are concerned. Will there be enough for me to eat? I’ve looked into it, and I think so. Do Portuguese Wal-Marts stock 12-packs of Fresca? Probably not, but I will try to deal. Will the native people give me the respect I deserve as a blogger? If they know what’s good for them. Finally, will the denizens of Cascais judge me harshly for being a spoiled American tourist who has not yet bothered to learn the language? Perhaps they would, if the language of tawdry string bikinis from American Apparel wasn’t so universal. I will also bring my George W. Bush baseball cap and matching “W” earrings, because I heard foreigners love the guy.

So, dear readers, this would be the end of Us, but I hear the internet is global now and not just installed in Virginia. In addition, I am sun-intolerant and will probably be spending most of my vacation in a Portuguese computer lab complaining about the lack of Fresca. Elizabeth Barrett Browning I am not.

Love,

Wistar

5 Thoughts on “I am leaving you; don’t try to follow me

  1. Willis on June 29, 2008 at 10:44 pm said:

    Try not to become too cultured why you’re over there, will ya?

  2. Who’s got the Cuisinart? Are there other small appliances you’re looking to unload? Will you forsake your parents’ house to sit on the porch roof for fireworks before you leave me – I mean, leave town?

  3. There’s been some confusion about the Cuisinart. I am not unloading my Cuisinart. Corey and Margaret, you cannot have it. I was trying to paint a picture of liquidating my assets, and the Cuisinart happens to be the most valuable thing I own. But it better still be here when I get back. You hear me? Stay away from my Cuisinart.

    Maybe I should take it with me to Portugal.

  4. Wait. Wait. Wait. Is this just a vacation? You aren’t MOVING are you? Are you taking Darren? Please come back!

  5. wait. no fresca? is it worth it?

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