Why elderly ladies in Georgia aren’t voting for Obama:
1. He’ll take all their money.
2. He’s a Muslim.
3. He’ll turn the nation Communist.
Why elderly ladies in Georgia send back their lunches:
1. Not enough sauerkraut on the reuben.
2. They ordered tomato parmesan soup, not French onion.
3. They’re confused by the small pile of lettuce on the sandwich plate. What is this green stuff? Am I supposed to eat this? What is this for? I have to go to the bathroom.
Why elderly ladies in Georgia get together for lunch every Saturday, even during Hurricane Fay:
1. A weekly ritual reminds them they’re still in the game. Also, they can show off their white bouffant hairdos after they take off their rain bonnets.
2. While dining they can pile all their purses, canes, walkers, and wet umbrellas in the corner of the restaurant, forming a sort of geriatric still-life that is only disturbed when someone demands a Kleenex or a cardigan sweater.
3. They can quiz me – the granddaughter guest – about Islam, existentialism, my upcoming nuptials, and the quality of my soup. Then they can send me to retrieve their friend who got lost on her way back from the bathroom. Then I can check their bills (split 12 ways) to ensure they left at least 5% for the waiter.