The John Grisham Chronicles

I haven’t written about John Grisham for a while. The phone call I was waiting for never came. Meanwhile John deigns to answer random questions from nobodies in Time Magazine:

Q. My mom thinks you are better looking than Tom Cruise. Why didn’t you star in The Firm instead? —Durriyyah Usman, Islamabad, Pakistan

A. It is very simple – I have no acting talent whatsoever. It is amazing what you can do with photography these days, so don’t be too impressed.

First of all, I have seen John Grisham in person so I know he’s just being modest. That is a handsome man. Second of all, does Durriyyah have her own blog? Only real members of the media like me and Katie Couric should be allowed to ask these hard-hitting questions.

And some of these people are just impertinent!:

Q. You churn out a book almost every year. Does that impact the quality? —Cynthia Moyer, Salt Lake City

You don’t have to answer that, John Grisham! What has Cynthia Moyer ever churned in Salt Lake City? But John responds with his usual eloquence and grace:

A. I don’t think so, because if I had more time, I wouldn’t use it. I’d wait until the last three months and write the book. I learned how to procrastinate in law school, I perfected it as I practiced law, and now I am an expert. I’ve written stuff when I had plenty of time, and it wasn’t very good.

A man after my own heart! People are always like, “Where do you find the energy to blog twice, sometimes three times, a month? Do you think your art suffers because you’re so prolific?” And I’m like, “Fuck you.”

Q. Do you ever get writer’s block? – Julius Ogunro, Lagos, Nigeria

Yes, I do. Thank you for asking.

I’ve watched a lot of TV on the internet today, but this episode of the Simpsons amused me most because it features a John Grisham scholar who teaches at Springfield University.  He wears an ascot, speaks with an aristocratic English accent, and quotes The Firm like it’s Macbeth.

5 Thoughts on “The John Grisham Chronicles

  1. i like this picture at the moment–it’s kinda like the one on his website. the squinty eyes are good:

    keep up the good work, john grisham.

  2. Willis on January 27, 2009 at 3:42 pm said:

    When I worked for the UVA baseball team back in college, John Grisham’s son played for team. (Thanks for the new stadium, John) I was working a game once and we announced a very hard trivia question over the loud speakers about UVA baseball, that if a fan answered they would win a prize. Guess who was the only person there to get the question right? Yep, JG himself. And always the modest fellow, he refused the free t-shirt prize.

  3. Had to comment, because this post is hilarious and deserves multiple, staggeringly flattering comments (how’s that for an adv-adj combo). Sorry I can only leave one. Well I guess I could leave multiples, but I think that would miss the point and simply become annoying.
    Got here from; I’m using his Mimbo theme (which is lovely in all respects, though not as funny as your post) and got distracted with spider-frog-turtle pictures. And etc.
    Okay. Back to work now. Thank you for the comedic interlude.


  4. Thanks, Annie! Your Mimbo looks great. And I love the irony of your Sister Wisdom website implementing a theme named after a male bimbo. Darren, for the record, is not a male bimbo; he is my uber-talented husband. And I’ve been told that he’s always funny in person whereas I occasionally succeed in being funny in print, so we make a good couple. As long as I let him do the talking at dinner parties.

  5. Ha, I think I’ll make my next article series about male bimbos…

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