The Jackson 5 are no longer my friends and business associates

A Nigerian monument to slavery/casino resort/museum of Jackson 5 memorabilia sounds like a great idea to people who are sarcastic for a living.

“Money-making and historical memory are allies in the extension of capitalism. You cry with one eye and wipe it off with cold beer, leaving the other eye open for gambling,” [said Toyin Falola].

The new and improved Simpsons couch is my favorite character on TV.

As an avid follower of trends, this would’ve been a good thing to know before I said yes. Just kidding, sweetheart!

Marriage couldn’t be more unattractive – the number of us getting hitched has slumped to the lowest level since records began, 150 years ago. By next year, it’s predicted that singletons will be in the majority.

Brothers and sisters should collaborate on storytelling more often. Read “The French Underpants” by Hal White and “The French Underpants Part Deux” by Celeste White in The Hot Air Quarterly (PDF).

You’ve read my brother Hal’s tale of the errant French underpants. This is mine: . . .

My current favorite book website: Book Beast. (Thanks to Cat Woman, my current favorite commenter, for the link.)

Portrait of the artist (and the chicken) as a young woman/young chicken.

If you’re wondering why your favorite bar smells like dirty diapers, wonder no longer:

All across the country, Baby Loves Disco is slowly but surely transforming the hippest night clubs into child proof discos as toddlers, pre-schoolers and parents looking for a break from the routine playground circuit let loose for some post naptime, pre-dinner fun.

Congratulations to my friendly correspondent Charles McLeod whose books are being published in the middle of an acquisition freeze! I will now hand the publishing crisis over to him. Good luck, soldier.

Crap in space is terrifying to me. One word: fireball. And I have to fly on Friday! As if planes don’t scare me enough.

I was actually thinking about this article this morning as I drove around listening to the significant hole in my muffler expand. Although I have over 100,000 miles on my odometer, I am comforted by knowing that my self-esteem must equally be soaring.

“By the time children reach early adolescence, and experience a decline in self-esteem, the stage is set for the use of material possessions as a coping strategy for feelings of low self-worth,” [say researchers]. . . . The paradox that findings such as these bring up, is that consumerism is good for the economy [and for the fight against terrorism! -ed.] but bad for the individual.

Salman Rushdie’s new girlfriend sure is chatty. Sigh. When am I going to get my chance?

It is 18 months since his much-publicised break-up from his most recent wife, TV hostess Padma Lakshmi. Mocked because Padma, 38, looked young enough to be his daughter and was an inch taller than him, Rushdie has now chosen a woman who is even younger and taller – and eccentrically extrovert to boot.

This article about having babies is depressing. Ladies, please don’t hate me for linking to it. My four-year-old niece (niece-in-law?) wants to “poop out” some babies right now. She and her friends sometimes play “pregnant 16-year-olds.” Maybe she’s on the right track.

The hourglass turns upside down at 30. If you get one in at 34, you’re probably not going to have another. If you are happily married at 30 you are most likely going to get 2 in but know that you JUST made it under the wire. That means you have to stop fucking around and start to care who you’re fucking right after 25.

It’s like Candace Bushnell quit writing chick lit and began pursuing a degree in apocalyptic biology.

8 Thoughts on “The Jackson 5 are no longer my friends and business associates

  1. shenanigans on February 17, 2009 at 10:43 am said:

    Kids…bahhhh. I would only reproduce to brag about how good-looking my crotchfruit was. My babies would be hawt.

  2. Woman in the know on February 17, 2009 at 2:50 pm said:

    Holy crap, that babies article is funny as hell! But call me the exception to her rules b/c the vast majority of my mom friends are 40 or older, and most of them had at least one of their kids after age 35.

    PS, hee “crotchfruit”!

    PPS, my four year old is also obsessed with motherhood.

  3. baby loves disco was MY idea, dammit! gene osborn and i were just about to implement it in ol’ cville…

  4. Gene Osborn’s new nickname is “Crotchfruit.”

  5. So, at age 40 my odds of getting pregnant are low?

  6. Bart –
    Yes, but your odds of looking like a pregnant man are high. 🙂

  7. That means you saw my naked birthday video?

  8. Pingback: The Jackson 5 are no longer my friends and business associates | Best Eye Cream

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