I’m so relieved that I’m not on drugs!

04 August 2009 By Wistar 5 In Self-promotion

Just imagine how exhausting it would be to be addicted all the time! If you were reading a book in a coffee shop, you’d have to keep getting up to do your drugs in the bathroom and the book would take you twice as long to read! And just thinking about shopping for the drugs wears me out! I hate shopping! Yesterday I was sitting with a friend here in New York, discussing her graduate school thesis, and it just hit me that neither of us are on drugs, and isn’t that wonderful? Granted, sometimes I enter a dark, graffiti’d restroom in a trendy bar in New York and I imagine all the cool people who have giddily done drugs off the toilet and I ask myself if I’m making a big mistake, but I snap out of it when I recollect the time and effort and money that drugs demand from the average user. Phew! I will stick to coffee and books, thank you very much! If only these meth-addicted prostitutes could be more like me!

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5 Comments on "I’m so relieved that I’m not on drugs!"

Alice
04/08/2009 at 11:42 am Permalink

Yeah but on the other hand, you would get to be on “Intervention” and all your friends and family would come and tell you how wonderful you are, and how yes they’re angry at you but just because they love you SO MUCH. And remember what a great writer you are? We wish you would pursue that more.

And then you’d get to go stay in Mailbu for a while and talk about yourself constantly while other people cried and encouraged you to just keep talking. About yourself.

I’m into it.
Wistar
04/08/2009 at 11:53 am Permalink

You’re right - that does sound like paradise. But how come my past flirtations with drugs have always ended with people calling me weird and sweaty and obnoxious? Maybe I wasn’t doing the drugs in the right climate.
Niki
04/08/2009 at 10:24 pm Permalink

I don’t know. When I was on drugs (years before I became a mother) I always looked at people who weren’t on drugs and thought, “How awful would it be to be sober and clear-headed all the time! Thank goodness for my addiction. It gives me something to do with my free time and no one ever expects me to be reliable.” It was a pretty sweet deal.

I guess the grass IS always greener.
the sister
06/08/2009 at 11:11 am Permalink

were you on drugs when you wrote this?
Bamboo Sheets
09/09/2009 at 5:02 pm Permalink

Are you using a custom wordpress theme? It looks awesome!