Acceptable ways to play the grief card:
1) Getting an extension on a due date at school.
2) Taking some time off work.
3) Cursing at the bank rep who keeps calling to harass you about a $5 fee the day after the service.
4) Eating apple pie for breakfast with impunity.
5) Refusing to change out of your pajamas/holey sweater/union suit for a month.
6) Requesting first dibs on holding puppies and babies if one is going around.
Unacceptable ways to play the grief card:
1) Demanding to hold strangers’ puppies or babies.
2) Cutting in line at Chipotle.
3) Taking fine jewelry, cashmere scarves, or North Face jackets off other peoples’ bodies because “they remind you of your loved one.”
4) Spending all the life insurance money over the course of a long weekend in Vegas because “that’s what your loved one would have wanted.”
5) Becoming addicted to opium.
6) Blogging childishly about death in a transparent effort to keep people close through humor. Coming up next: “1001 Reasons I Miss My Dad!” and “A Top Ten List of Ways My Life Will Never Be the Same!”