Archive > December 2011

You may or may not know me from the JumboTron

Tonight my face was featured on the JumboTron. Why I was in the vicinity of a JumboTron is incidental; for the purposes of this story, just imagine that I have one in my bedroom. Seeing my image up there was exhilarating in a way that terrifies me now. To my knowledge, my face has never [...]

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Links: In sickness and in health

“Now That Books Mean Nothing”: 31-year-old author Nell Boeschenstein reflects on literature and her double mastectomy NPR interview with Louis C.K.: “You find yourself in front of a room of wounded veterans, and they just want to have fun. They want to see you go crazy. So every time I did these shows, I would [...]

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Hey birds, come feast on this block of food

So far the birds in the backyard have not started flocking to the block of food I provided for them. I don’t know what their problem is. I happen to love blocks of food, especially in wintertime. This bird meal cost me $7, and it’s basically a family-style lasagna. If any birds are reading my [...]

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Babysitting rider

Because I will never be a rock star, I am developing a rider for babysitting gigs. (1) gallon red Gatorade (1) reduced fat string cheese (1) bottle red wine, uncorked and three quarters full, so no one will notice a glass missing (8) Hello Kitty Band-Aids (1) bottle hand sanitizer. In lieu of hand sanitizer, [...]

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Loving “The Logo”

You all know me here as a basketball legend. I’m rarely caught expressing myself outside of a game of hoops. Like Jerry West before me, I am both a depressive and a fierce competitor. I compete with other people who are depressed. Come to think of it, I don’t typically play basketball so much as [...]

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