This is something that happened to me today: I was driving home from Richmond with Abbey, daydreaming about wedding dresses, eating Junior Mints, naming my future children, when BAM! - the truck in front of us on I-64 lost part of the shit-shack it was towing and we swerved at high speed to avoid a [...]
Category > Advice on how to live your life
How to sunbathe topless on European beaches (not that I have)
You can do it, but try not to be provocative. For instance, cultivate a leathery chest area. Chain-smoke while you tan. Place a dirty towel over your face. Cough a lot. While you lie on your back, pretend you are an asexual, sand-colored rug. If you feel the need to move, put your top back [...]
A few links about critters and the people who love them
Animals!
1. They’re bisexual, especially in captivity.
2. They’ve enjoyed a short history of radical human advocacy.
3. They would prefer it if you didn’t touch them there.
4. But if you do touch them there, at least make flan afterwards.
Woman’s search for meaning during her 10-year high school reunion
This week I started reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. I also attended my 10-year high school reunion. Initially these two events appeared to have nothing in common. Frankl survived internment at multiple concentration camps, including Auschwitz, during World War II, whereas I spent my tenth grade year at an alternative high [...]
10 tips for dating a writer
1. Try not to speak in sound bytes, because they will be stolen.
2. Would you interrupt a supercomputer when it’s cracking a code? Would you interrupt a jumbo jet when it’s refueling? Then don’t interrupt a writer when she or he is napping.
3. Sometimes it seems like your writer boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t do [...]
How to catch a ride on an elephant
A few years ago Washington D.C. resident Kimberly Zenz discovered a strange loophole in the elephant polo bylaws. An elephant polo event must provide elephants for all participating sportsmen. So Zenz formed a team - the Capital Pachyderms - and her players have since traveled to Thailand, Sri Lanka, and Nepal to compete on the [...]
Life lessons learned on April Fool’s Day
1. If you’re applying to an MFA program at a prestigious university affiliated with Thomas Jefferson, perhaps the fiction you submit shouldn’t be about the following:
a) oral sex
b) dildos made out of balloons
c) shit smell
In case there’s anyone else out there who didn’t know that intuitively, consider this cautionary tale my gift to you.
2. If [...]
Hallmarks of good gym etiquette
I recently joined a gym, and boy would I be looking good if working out didn’t make me so hungry for Mexican food. And it’s not just any gym - it’s the most state-of-the-art, LA/Manhattan/Madonna-worthy gym in Virginia. I get a discounted membership because of my mob connections. Also, my sweat doesn’t stink.
I have [...]
GoodReads, I love you
Sign up for GoodReads.com. It’s the new MySpace.
But FaceBook was the new MySpace, which was the new Friendster, which was the new AOL chatroom.
Sign up for GoodReads.com. It’s the new sitting alone in the high school cafeteria before the internet was invented hoping everyone will notice the pretentious book you’re reading.
