Category > Men are like this and women are like this

One-paragraph heterosexual marriages

He studies geology. She has butt implants. When they go to the grocery store together, they try to fit everything into two baskets because they like to hold hands when they shop. If they need to buy a lot of heavy items like jumbo margarita mix and Thanksgiving turkeys, they reluctantly enlist a metal cart. [...]

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Equal opportunity bullying on the mean streets of Charlottesville

Yesterday I was jogging past the parking lot of the auto body shop, imagining all the different car accidents responsible for the wreckage, when I was approached by a pair of nine-year-old girls carrying Fiddlesticks. I’m not usually intimidated by nine-year-olds, but these girls decided to pick on me because they perceived me – wrongly! [...]

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The bride’s ego

You never know where or when the bride’s enormous ego will surface. Case in point: “I just want a low-key wedding, Mom. Laid-back, informal, no-pressure. I don’t want to cave to the wedding industry with all its check-lists and up-dos and monogrammed water bottles.” “Sure. Fine. We’ll just do family, a few friends. I’ll arrange [...]

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Why elderly ladies in Georgia aren’t voting for Obama

Why elderly ladies in Georgia aren’t voting for Obama: 1. He’ll take all their money. 2. He’s a Muslim. 3. He’ll turn the nation Communist.   Why elderly ladies in Georgia send back their lunches: 1. Not enough sauerkraut on the reuben. 2. They ordered tomato parmesan soup, not French onion. 3. They’re confused by [...]

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Funny hoo-ha

I realize that anybody who is anybody on the internet has already blogged today about the “Who Says Women Aren’t Funny?” Vanity Fair article, itself a response to the VF article “Why Women Aren’t Funny” by Christopher Hitchens. [Full disclosure: Christopher Hitchens will always be a god to me because he devoted an entire book [...]

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Interesting people making love and dancing to Randy Newman

I like to read about unconventional marriages, especially if one of the principals is a writer. This couple – made up of novelist Jennifer Belle and entertainment lawyer Andrew Krents – spends more time apart than together because “familiarity breeds contempt.” For instance Belle went to Venice alone for her honeymoon because Krents couldn’t find [...]

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Cracking nuts

I’ve decided to take the GRE, so there. What are you doing with your life that’s so great? I’m studying basic algebra. Originally this post was going to be about ballet. This afternoon I introduced a three-year-old girl to The Nutcracker with 1977 vintage Mikhail Baryshnikov (swoon!). Everything was going awesome until she asked me [...]

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DSM aka Tickle personality quiz

When I was a little girl reading Seventeen Magazine, YM, Cosmopolitan, and Penthouse Letters, I quickly realized that their relationship quizzes were for chumps. The answers were always so obvious. “Are you a jealous girlfriend? When you see your boyfriend flirting with the pretty Gap salesgirl at the mall, do you: a) punch him in [...]

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An incident in the women’s bathroom

Tonight I had my fiction class at UVA. It was great, as usual, but I was drinking a forty of Hurricane during workshop and consequently had to take frequent trips to the restroom. It was actually a twenty of Diet Doctor Pepper. I was alone in the restroom when I heard a very loud pair [...]

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Rose Petal Cottage

Am I the only one who would kill to live in a house like this? Think of all the pretend chores you could get done. I would probably be a creative genius today if I had grown up with a little fake washing machine to stimulate my imagination. I want to put a Rose Petal [...]

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