Category > Stories & scenes

A fruit-themed excerpt from my novel [Alternative blog post title - "The Angstful Banana"]

The Existential Diet Excerpt from Chapter Two: The Very Hungry Caterpillar I ate a banana. I ate it slowly, in small bites, folding down the stiff peel as I went. I let the fruit coat my gaseous stomach. I washed down each bite with cold tap water from a faded Burger King cup. The banana [...]

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CHARLOTTESVILLE LITERATI ARM WRESTLERS (Round the First)

John Grisham flings his sequined cape over one shoulder to reveal the bulging muscles of his right arm. He has been working out. His spandex bodysuit hides nothing from the crowd gathered tonight at the Blue Moon Diner. Readers have come in droves to witness the first match of CLAW – the Charlottesville Literati Arm [...]

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The Room’s Husband

We toasted the room’s husband with plastic cups of champagne. The room’s wife had cake on her fingers. Someone wandered outside in the apple orchard. The camera over his shoulder was full of the sermon and the mountains. The lake had dried up that afternoon and the toilets stopped flushing. The children picked the apples [...]

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Poem written in bathroom in the middle of the night

My feet churned the dust like a tornado. I approached Edinburgh and then the continent went dark. The wedding photographer was drunk. He took pictures of ruins, of history. An esplanade of smoking sphinxes and grey coliseums where we had lived once. My body was all that was left, whisking the ashes, a relic of [...]

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I can’t make this shit up

A senile platoon of old ladies in wheelchairs sat next to the parking lot of the nursing home, looking for fresh air before their 5 o’clock dinner. Each octogenarian was accompanied by a nursing aide wearing scrubs and smelling like cigarettes. The old woman who looked the worst off was sulking at the group’s periphery, [...]

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The Deaf Poet

Her fingers flexed the stanzas. The blind man in the audience thought he was shit out of luck. But then an announcer in the wings began translating her dance into our language. It didn’t matter that we didn’t speak in signs. Padma Vowell was the most famous poet in the world, and we were in [...]

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Moms on Acid (Did anyone else read The Babysitters Club books when she was little?)

“I think the moms are dropping acid,” said Mary as we sat around her bed, waiting for the phone to ring. “I think so too,” said Debbie. “And last night, after the Danbury kids went to bed and I was digging around the freezer for ice cream, I found a sandwich bag of mushrooms. It [...]

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Ice Cream Gone Missing: A Telephone Conversation

Hey baby! Hey… Listen, I had a pint of Chunky Monkey ice cream in the freezer, and now it’s gone. Have you seen it? No. What kind of ice cream did you say? Chunky Monkey. By Ben & Jerry’s. It’s got bananas in it. That’s really weird that you don’t know where it is, because [...]

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I have a little notebook for my writerly notes

Like a lot of pretentious writers, I keep a notebook in my purse for jotting down story ideas and snippets of dialogue and untraceable garbage like this: “Stuck behind the Frito Lay truck/Christmas stocking.” I’m not exactly proud of this notebook, and I’m careful not to write anything down where people can freely wonder what [...]

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The ideas I don’t write down when I’m falling asleep

Sometimes I feel guilty and stupid when I wake up, because I did not write down some incredible idea I was having when I was falling asleep. I lie there, passing out, and convince myself that I will remember the story idea or the eloquent sentence in the morning. Because I am too lazy to [...]

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