Category Archives: The Mailbox

Retirement of “the mailbox”

I’m thinking about retiring the mailbox feature of my blog. It’s just not as compelling as I thought it would be. I haven’t gotten anything good in the mail since Katie sent me her panties, and they weren’t even used.

More mailbox

What is the point of having dental insurance if it doesn’t even cover having your teeth cleaned? I showed up early for my appointment, I was perfectly friendly to the hygienist, I didn’t steal anything, I provided an insurance card, and I still got a bill in the mail for a billion dollars. I probably have the kind of medical insurance that doesn’t cover being sick either.

The kids will be home from Georgia soon! I dressed up.

I need to call Christos, Keith, Tom, Duane, Jessie, Sena, Selvi, and Santa Claus. It would be so much easier if everyone would just communicate with me through the comments section of my blog like normal people.

Inauguration of “the mailbox”

Because I don’t get out of the house much, the most exciting part of my afternoon is often the arrival of Scott the Handsome and Friendly Mailman with my daily supply of bills and coupons. Last week I received a mailing from Giant that I am particularly fired up about. It’s a letter from Victor Dudko, my local Giant Store Manager, in which he recognizes me as a “Top Banana.” Not only am I “one of Giant’s best customers,” I am also a “friend.” As a special thank you from Giant for being a Top Banana, I get a coupon for free truffles. Thanks Dudko!

The mailing also includes three “Top Pick” certificates that I am meant to cut out and present to grocery store associates who have made my shopping experience more enjoyable. Dudko says that he knows his employees will “appreciate [my] taking the time to acknowledge them.” If I’ve learned anything from my experiences in retail, I have learned that my local Giant cashiers and produce stockers are not going to appreciate my interrupting their work in order to hand them a picture of a smiling banana that has no monetary value. They are not in grade school collecting gold stars. Is the employee with the most bananas going to earn a free Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut? Is the person with the most bananas going to be the envy of all his coworkers? Is the person with the most bananas going to have more money to buy real bananas? No. Is this all part of my rationalization for keeping the Top Pick certificates on my fridge door, reminding me of my own outstanding service? Maybe.