Category > Weird things I do just so I can blog about them later

A formal essay about famous frogs me

My mother is exasperated that my husband and I still haven’t made a dime from our famous photograph. “Couldn’t you at least print up some t-shirts?” she says. “You can sell them on www.turtlefrogspiderphoto.com.” I explain to her that it seems exploitative to profit off something that—for whatever reason—inspires people. It’s like selling $5 bottles [...]

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Face calling

Now that I have a new computer and Gmail offers free video chat, my face can call your face. Our faces can literally communicate back and forth through cyberspace. I’m talking about Cyber Space Face. I’m talking about Future Stuff. Who invented this Cyber Space Face Future Stuff? And what was I doing while they [...]

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Why elderly ladies in Georgia aren’t voting for Obama

Why elderly ladies in Georgia aren’t voting for Obama: 1. He’ll take all their money. 2. He’s a Muslim. 3. He’ll turn the nation Communist.   Why elderly ladies in Georgia send back their lunches: 1. Not enough sauerkraut on the reuben. 2. They ordered tomato parmesan soup, not French onion. 3. They’re confused by [...]

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A tent cathedral of surf babies

Yesterday we attended the “Billabong Girls Cascais Festival” – what the widespread local signage seemed to indicate would be a female pro surfing extravaganza. As I mentioned before, we were psyched to see some extreme competition in the rough and tumble waves of Portugal. Guincho Beach is known for its steep cliffs, its harsh winds, [...]

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This post is not about sports–it’s about men who play sports

Today Russia beat the Netherlands in double overtime, thereby advancing to the next round of the European Cup. Because I hate it when members of my family rattle on about end zones and face-offs and field goals without telling me what sport they’re discussing, let me first clarify that I’m talking about soccer. For all [...]

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Veronica Mars, I accidentally lived your life instead of mine

I just finished watching Season 3 (the final season) of Veronica Mars. I would have watched that TV show until the lead actress Kristen Bell died of old age. I would have consumed every second of Veronica’s life until her funeral, and then I would have looked down and discovered that my own hands were [...]

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All you need to know about tonight’s basketball game

I went to a UVA basketball game tonight and was cruelly disappointed. Once again, John Grisham did not propose marriage to me on the Jumbotron. I could see him there in his floor seat, probably pretending he was Jay-Z or Jack Nicholson at a Lakers game. Then something about Clemson. Points. Points. Fire. A circus [...]

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Virginia Safari Park

The Virginia Safari Park in Natural Bridge, VA is the saddest, most wonderful adventure you can take from an Interstate 81 exit. First, a photo essay: Hi, furry cow creature. Do you want to wipe your boogers on Darren’s hand? Look Harper! Baby piglets! We can just throw them some grain from this bucket and… [...]

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God cavities

If you go trick or treating in Lovingston, Virginia, you can expect to see: 1) historic houses with haunted front yards bombed with synthetic spiderwebs; 2) goth teenagers in extra-wide, circa 1996 skateboard pants; 3) a piglet in a tiger cub costume (and some other people); 4) a coven of six-year-old Disney princesses holding hands, [...]

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Homecoming weekend in Williamsburg

I am going to my five-year college Homecoming, but ONLY so I can blog about it. Also it is rainy, dreary, and I am hungry for pancakes. This is the existential recipe for Williamsburg, Virginia. I have two friends who are also going to Homecoming, but they’re not appearing until tonight and tomorrow, respectively, so [...]

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