Heartbreaking losses!
Heartwarming victories!
Kids doing typical kid stuff!
Human interest stories about attractive athletes!
Scientifically-engineered rain that falls at the same time every day!
Al Roker playing badminton!
Girls crying!
Two-piece swimsuits!
Spandex endorsements!
Cozy American sofa and a bowl of cookie dough ice cream!
The road from Charlottesville, Virginia, to Columbus, Georgia, should be renamed Slaughterhouse Highway. Every other vehicle on Route 29 South is a truck carrying livestock to their imminent deaths. Yesterday I saw blonde chickens with breasts pumped so full of water they could hardly stand upright in their cramped metal cages. I saw cattle stomping nervously in trailers with their big brown eyes peering at me through air holes. “Save us,” they said. “Hijack this truck and drive us to Mexico.”
“I’ll never eat meat again,” I thought. “I love you guys.”
Then we stopped at Applebee’s for dinner and I accidentally ate a big pile of microwaved chicken. I am such an asshole.