Beep beep I am the best headline writer of all time

Many years ago I applied for a job as a clickbait writer and when asked to pitch an irresistible headline, I enthusiastically offered:

The 5 Most Batshit Things Ever Found Inside a Vagina 

and the man didn’t hire me, but that is because he was sexist against vaginas and didn’t grasp the mass appeal of my horror stories about gynecologists digging plastic baby dolls out of schizophrenic women’s birth canals.

One of my roles as a health and wellness content provider avidly pursued by the Industry is to feed the sales funnel with quality stories about perverse foreign objects wrenched out of vaginas so key marketing personas can’t help but share the copy throughout their social media channels and then click upon the CTA. What’s the craziest thing YOU’VE ever found in YOUR vagina? these personas ask their ten million followers on Twitter. And suddenly I have sold a ream of Victoria’s Secret MedTech underwear and the world is my oyster.

Hey hiring managers! My kid is finally back in school. I am looking for jobs with short hours and long pay. Thank you in advance for your etc., etc.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Post Navigation