I know I have been absent

I thank everyone who wrote to ask about my grandmother’s health. I thank everyone who commented on my blog, even though I did not respond. I am thankful that my grandma was on the rehab hall of the nursing facility, and not the feces hall, where old men groaned in wheelchairs and ran into my shins from time to time when they wanted me to take them back to their rooms. I was looking at the phone book and the old man crashed into me with his desperate request. “You can’t take him,” said the nurse. “If he’s in his room, he will try to get into his bed and hurt himself.” I asked him where he lived and he emphatically spelled out his last name, like I had a Rolodex that would tell me everything. I wish I did. I knew nothing about the Alzheimer’s, the senility. I knew nothing about my grandmother’s roommate, who had to be fed by a nurse and who frequently sent her oatmeal back for being too cold. I am excited because my friends Jason and Jessie are getting married this weekend. Life seems to be picking up again. I started a class tonight with a young teacher who has funny stories to tell. She also inspires me because she is a writer and a waitress. I am less than a waitress. I aspire to be a waitress. If only someone would support me in this dream. I like to bring people food. I am planning my trip back to Williamsburg for my five-year Homecoming. I hope to run into people, and to show them that I am no longer a wreck. I hope to watch some bad football while drunk. Maybe football will be my new sport, after doing laundry. I hope that ex-boyfriends will be amazed by me. I am putting sea algae on my nails to grow them. I am thinking of condensing my entire novel to 50 pages so I can figure out what’s important in it. I wonder if I am getting too wide for striped shirts. I will not put any more poetry on my blog for a while. I didn’t really mean it as poetry; I meant it as the transcription of a dream. It’s scary putting yourself out there. I am starting a bridge club for my grandmother, to replace her weekly group of card-playing widows in Georgia. Darren and I watched some soccer tonight at Zinc – Barcelona versus Lyon. There were some loud French persons sitting across from us at the bar but I didn’t get up the courage to ask them my carefully rehearsed questions in French. I told myself I didn’t want to distract them from the athletics, but in actuality I was afraid because I didn’t know how to apologize for speaking terrible French in French. I ate some of Darren’s mashed potatoes though. Good night.

6 Thoughts on “I know I have been absent

  1. “I will not put any more poetry on my blog for a while. I didn’t really mean it as poetry; I meant it as the transcription of a dream. It’s scary putting yourself out there.”

    I do hope I didn’t come across as a nasty critic, I rather did enjoy your poem/dream transcription. Working on poetry is quite good for all forms of writing (and reading), it sharpens the senses and attunes one to the power of words to evoke experience. I wanted to give you some honest feedback from one reader, don’t authors want to be read?

    And in case you were wondering, I found you on cvilleblogs!

  2. Hi Opally,
    Your criticism didn’t bother me at all. I am extremely glad to have a new reader. I think I will save the poetry for my journal though. My poem didn’t look as good in the light of day as it looked to me when I was sleep-addled. But I decided when I started my blog that I’m not allowed to take down a post, no matter how much I might regret writing it. However I’m allowed to blog about regretting it. 🙂 Thanks again for reading.

  3. Pre-natal vitamins will really make your nails grow like crazy. Just sayin’ (as Sianey says). Want some?

  4. Ha – maybe. But just to see the look on Darren’s face.

  5. Tell me more about Homecoming. I think I want to go and watch football drunk. I, however, hope NOT to run into ex boyfriends…

    I rather enjoy reading your poetry, actually. Reading them and your blog in general gives me a sense of purpose.

  6. i just found your blog and i love it. Your voice really comes through. it was so nice to see you and darren this weekend. I hope to come up again soon – maybe and visit with you guys are jessie and jason? oh – i wanted to say that i studied frech in hs, spanish in college. i went to france after a semester in madrid. i had to write an apologetic sentence to use b/c I could never reply, though I could understand quite a lot. damn. I have no idea how to spell french anymore. how sad is that. sorry i missed you at brunch. my mother was already cooking before i even got out of bed so i stayed with the family this am. take care!

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