Has anyone else in Charlottesville seen the billboard truck that has been driving up and down the 250 bypass advertising Disney Classics: Princesses on Ice? I suppose the show needs an ad-mobile when someone on the Disney team is writing copy this seductive:
For the first time ever, Disney On Ice combines exceptional moments from Disney’s Cinderella, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, Mulan and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs in one captivating production filled with amazement and wonder. Dreamers of all ages will take flight on a heart-warming tale filled with sizzling special effects, dazzling set designs and elegant artistry on ice. Families will share moments of laughter, romance, struggle and triumph as each Disney princess has her dreams come true.
I wonder if the ad-mobile fills its gas tank with amazement and wonder and that’s why it never gets tired of driving down my road, annoying the hell out of me. When I went to Vegas this summer, there were two of these billboard-mobiles to every car on the Strip, and they were all embellished with giant Russian prostitutes and their personal phone numbers. These women invariably had bad teeth that were blown up to the size of sheet cakes in their photos. Walking down the Strip, hating life and sunshine, the billboards actually cheered me up. No matter how miserable I was in Vegas, those Russian whores were uglier and more miserable, plus they had to talk to jerks on the phone all the time whereas I can screen my calls. These giant ladies did wonders for my self esteem. Meanwhile Charlottesville has larger-than-life, cartoon princesses populating its city streets, making me feel inadequate. I suck at ice skating, I have no poofy dresses, and my boyfriend isn’t royalty. I drive a tiny car that would probably be incinerated in a head-on collision with those virgin princesses, and only the cartoons would get out alive.