Monthly Archives: November 2007

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Holiday Gifting Guide Part 1

1) If you live in Charlottesville, I suggest that you attend the Robot Wares & Record Fair at the Satellite Ballroom on Sunday, December 2nd. These girl and boy vendors sell their original crafts and artwork at low prices and all the money earned stays in the local economy. Some of it goes to poor, indie-rock babies in need of new ironic t-shirts.

2) If your friends and family don’t say things like, “It’s not a real gift if it didn’t cost you anything,” then visit this website for simple giving ideas.

3) Here is the site where you can buy handmade, one-of-a-kind gifts from artisans all over American. It’s somewhat overwhelming to navigate the millions of products, so expect to spend an hour or so browsing. You can find some cool stuff. I liked these napkins and these pot holders for instance. Unfortunately I already own napkins and potholders. My friend Diana sells her original jewelry on the site, and she’ll have a small presence at the Satellite’s Record Fair as well.

4) If your friends and family don’t say things like, “A can of live worms does not constitute a Christmas present,” then visit the OxFam online store and buy someone a goat.

5) Soon the Perfect Flavor customized ice cream store in Waynesboro will be open. Get your dry ice ready! Lynsie’s ice cream is made with all local, organic ingredients. No eels.

6) Another indie shopping site.

7) The EWG gift bag.

8 ) Attend the “Second Annual Holiday Home Show” with Little Tree Press, By Cary, and eight other talented local artists.

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9) It’s always a good idea to pay off someone else’s credit card bill. Especially when it’s mine.

10) I think websites make good gifts. If you are tech savvy, you can buy someone a URL and then install a WordPress blog for him or her. Maybe a Mimbo! I am trying to buy a URL for my little brother so he can start his thermal underpants company, but every URL he picked was already a porn site.

11) A year’s supply of toilet paper. Is anyone else sick of buying toilet paper? Is there an alternative? The toilet paper shopping never ends.

I am running out of ideas. Let’s make this Part 1 of the Holiday Gifting Guide.  Please write with suggestions or self promotion.

Tumbleweed Farm

A Midwestern woman wanted to teach herself web design so she created a joke website that sold tumbleweeds – The Prairie Tumbleweed Farm. Now she makes $40,000+ a year selling tumbleweeds to organizations like NASA and Hollywood.

Wow, judging from her website, it looks like she never got around to learning that web design.

Charitable Christmas gift

The Environmental Working Group is offering a superior gift bag equipped with a chemical-free water bottle and a cast iron pan for a charitable donation of $135. Get the bags while supplies last.

PS Did anyone else hear that Toys “R” Us accidentally printed an ad for Aqua Dots in their annual Christmas newspaper insert?

Noelle’s Niche

This morning Noelle suggested that I submit my fiction to The Any Dream Will Do Review. To be published by this literary review, you must write from a mentally ill perspective. Its URL is The subject of her email was “It’s not the Paris Review…but it will do.”

Perhaps it’s a start.

New question of the day blog feature

What’s your favorite fish?

a) false albacore


b)  menhaden

I cannot wait for the NPR Fresh Air website to be updated!

They won’t post today’s program until 6 p.m.! It’s so near and yet so far! I feel like I’m waiting to take Terry Gross’s virginity!

I am anxiously awaiting the online broadcast of Terry’s interview with Mark Shapiro, a reporter who has written a book called Exposed that investigates the prevalence of toxic chemicals in America. I only heard about ten minutes of the show when it was on this afternoon, when he very sheepishly admitted to being a smoker. He gave Terry a great interview though. He spent a lot of time comparing the American government’s regulation of toxic chemicals (whenever I say “toxic chemicals” I think of the Joker in Batman) to the European Union’s. Europe is so progressive on this issue, and the rest of the world is taking note. In a few years foreign countries will be exporting all their mercury, lead, flame retardant, and phthalate-laden electronics and toys to Americans, while they are sitting pretty on their organic sofas watching televisions made out of unbleached yarn.

Shapiro said there were two main reasons why the industrial lobby in the European Union has been so weak compared to the cosmetics/chemical manufacturer lobby in the US, which has effectively prevented the public from knowing what toxins they’re exposed to everyday. Shapiro said that:

a) In Europe, corporations aren’t allowed to give campaign contributions, and;

b) In Europe, the government pays for health care. How interesting! The European Union actually has an investment in keeping its people healthy, whereas in America we pay privately for health care. Who gives two shits if we all get sick in ten years from toxic chemicals (Batman?)? We’ll pay out of our own pocket for the medical nightmare and the cosmetic companies will still be rich and stuck in their benighted ways.

Whoa…this Diet Doctor Pepper is making me wild. It’s probably full of cancer! Somebody help me get off my soapbox and stop using exclamation points!
My show’s almost on!

It’s the miracle of life!

Egg to chicken. AKA breakfast to dinner in five seconds.

So gross, and yet so amazing. Is that you, God, all covered in mucus and hair?

They’re only an hour away on 29 South!

The blog marathon will soon be over!

Inauguration of Noelle’s Niche blog feature

me: i am out of blogging ideas. write me something for the Noelle Niche
Noelle: oooh
Noelle: k
Noelle: so
Noelle: hmm
Noelle: how much more self-absorbed men are than women
Noelle: and what would happen
Noelle: if they had to do womenly things
Noelle: like if my brother got a period
Noelle: he’d probaly just let himself bleed
Noelle: everywhere
Noelle: cause h’d forget
Noelle: stuff like that

Harper’s Christmas list

1) a Christmas dog

2) a puzzle

3) a clock

4) a hairbrush