Archive > July 2008

The wondrous world of Portuguese sanitation

Today I discovered something wondrous about Portuguese sanitation. The trash cans scattered around Cascais are not trash cans at all. They’re doorways to underground chambers that hold landfills of trash under the cobblestone streets. Today I saw dumpsters collecting the refuse by picking up large sections of the pavement with their dumpsters, raising the deep [...]

Continue reading

Blogging Olympics

It’s not exactly the blogging Olympics over here, but things happen occasionally. I just discovered that the 10,000 Maniacs song “Because the Night” is actually a Patti Smith song. Thank you, VH1 Classics. I felt pity for our neighborhood derelict who huffs paint in the sun all day wearing a black hooded parka. I almost [...]

Continue reading

Just publish my f@#*ing novel already

Dear literary agents and publishers, Please stop playing this cat and mouse game with me. I understand that you’re trying to build dramatic tension by not responding to my query letters. This delay can only increase sales of my future memoir and make its inevitable movie adaptation more attractive to Hollywood. Everyone likes a story [...]

Continue reading

Chapter One: The Greatest Handbag in the World; Chapter Two: I Hate Myself

If it weren’t for movies and magazines, I’d probably have no idea that women were supposed to covet handbags and shoes. The former accessories are for transporting lip balm and the latter function as barriers between feet and dog poop. One of the opening lines uttered by Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City: The [...]

Continue reading

How to sunbathe topless on European beaches (not that I have)

You can do it, but try not to be provocative. For instance, cultivate a leathery chest area. Chain-smoke while you tan. Place a dirty towel over your face. Cough a lot. While you lie on your back, pretend you are an asexual, sand-colored rug. If you feel the need to move, put your top back [...]

Continue reading

Foods currently in season in Portugal

1. Oranges 2. Nectarines 3. Sea snails

Continue reading

Moonlighting at the VQR

Here are a few posts I’ve done recently for the Virginia Quarterly Review blog: 1. Can I Get That Matisse in an Extra-Large and 2. Where the Women Carry Fish on Their Heads And I’m not being biased when I say that the Virginia Quarterly Review has the best blog in the world.

Continue reading

The Armadildoes and The Band Formerly Known as Sausage

The Canonical List of Weird Band Names serves as a study both in teenage psychology and in vulgarity. “Study in Vulgarity” actually makes a good band name. STD N Vulgairity playing at the Atlantico tonight with Meatloaf and the B-52s!

Continue reading

You know you’re in Europe when. . .

“You Know You’re in Europe When” Episode One The English pub that serves as my Portuguese office plays a steady stream of homegrown techno and dance music. The last song referenced both the Peace Corps and the “bourgeoisie.”

Continue reading

A few links about critters and the people who love them

Animals! 1. They’re bisexual, especially in captivity. 2. They’ve enjoyed a short history of radical human advocacy. 3. They would prefer it if you didn’t

Continue reading

prev posts