Twilight: Where do I even begin?

Twilight has a special place in my heart because it keeps me running for over 20 minutes on the treadmill without my realizing that I’m out of shape and have probably broken a leg. Twilight owns a part of my soul like the last people to keep me up reading until 4 in the morning, but the British wizards were not nearly as sexy. And Twilight gets my blood pumping because, like all great addictions, it makes me feel terrible about myself as soon as I’m released from its heavenly clutches. The high of self loathing is almost as rich as the high of insanely hot vampire booty.

Edward and Bella
Edward and Bella

I hate you Twilight! I love you Twilight! Do I update GoodReads with Books Three and Four or do I not? Can I conquer my shame long enough to blog about my compulsion to know the lives of these idiot teenagers? Somehow I will have to intellectualize Stephenie Meyer’s fantasy world in order to go on. And yet it helps not at all to imagine that the series might be an allegory for the Church of Latter Day Saints. In fact it makes it worse. But the call to abstinence horrifies me even more. In fact the whole saga makes me want to die. But only so I can become a vampire.

Please excuse me for being late to this party. I also just watched Boys Don’t Cry if anyone wants to talk about it.

6 Thoughts on “Twilight: Where do I even begin?

  1. I’d rather talk about the best vampire movie EVER! Lost Boys.

  2. I know. It’s already cued up in my NetFlix (don’t tell Darren!) because all the Twilight reviews mentioned it. Can’t wait to watch.

  3. I’m trying to think of some insanely hot vampire booty. Is Lisa Rinna a vampire?

  4. Oh, god. I only want to talk about just how much I love you for blogging about this. Can I borrow your copies? Sophie can’t get it together to give me hers. Abstinence, vampires. Lesbians, vampires. Ack. Please delete this comment….

  5. I will not delete this comment. But I feel 99% sure that you would eventually throw these books down in disgust. They contain 100% heterosexual Mormon love and 101% boy on girl kissing. They contain 0% lesbian vampires, but that just tells me there’s a book out there you need to write.

  6. shenanigans on January 19, 2009 at 12:30 pm said:

    OMG I’m glad somebody smart and witty admitted to this. My man gives me so much shit for reading this series but I’m addicted. Who wouldn’t wanna be hot, rich, and invincible? Book 4 is on its way through the mail and I’m doing my impatient dance while waiting.

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