Yearly Archives: 2007

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Trevor Moore in The Whitest Kids You Know

I used to read Trevor Moore’s Cuddy cartoon in the Daily Progress when he was in high school at Covenant and I was attending every other high school in Charlottesville in rapid succession. Cuddy was about a funny talking cow that always told me in the last panel to have a big crush on Trevor Moore. I’ve been seeing ads for Moore’s new IFC sketch comedy show The Whitest Kids You Know all over the internet. I was going to say something about IFC having a big advertising budget, but I have no idea what it costs to advertise on the internet. However I know how much it costs me to mistake an internet listing solicitation letter for an internet domain bill–$75! If I hadn’t retired “the mailbox” feature of my blog, you would be reading an entire post about this mistake. But here I am writing about Trevor Moore. My question is, has anyone seen this show? Do the Whitest Kids do stuff other than dress up like Hitler? I’m tired of the “Hitler being funny” joke, by the way. Trevor Moore, you are too good for that joke. Go back to the cute cow that tells me to send you anonymous love letters.

I guess The Hook totally did an article on this same subject last spring. I am going to start a rumor that The Hook has herpes. Don’t sleep with The Hook, Trevor. I love you Moore. [I thought you’d appreciate that little play on words since you’re in the comedy field.]

An island made of trash

You know how there are dirty islands of non-biodegradable plastic floating in our oceans? Well a former carpenter made his own tropical island buoyed by empty plastic bottles, and it looks like paradise. Spiral Island currently lives off the coast of Mexico but Richie Sowa plans to float it around the world. You have to watch the Ripley’s Believe It or Not video on the Ecoble site. It is awesome. And the English narrator manages to dodge both t’s in the word bottle.

Stole the link from Snarfd, a website that has officially taken the last hour of my life.

Five Year Anniversary of Gawker

Here is a good article about from N + 1 Magazine. It’s about the perils of being a young, ambitious, and sarcastic woman who loves to write about life in the big city. I was careful not to learn any life lessons while reading it. Well, I learned one lesson. The internet loves bitches. Ten million page views a month! All for mocking easy targets like New York socialites, too-smart-for-their-own-good Ivy Leaguers, and Ayelet Waldman, who loves her husband Michael Chabon a little too much.

Maintenance I wish only had to be done once a year

1. Showering

2. Cooking dinner

3. Combing my hair

4. Cleaning the toilet

5. Putting gas in my car

6. Folding clean laundry

7. Fast-forwarding through the previews on a DVD

8. Brushing my teeth

I would make a really good medieval queen.

DSM aka Tickle personality quiz

When I was a little girl reading Seventeen Magazine, YM, Cosmopolitan, and Penthouse Letters, I quickly realized that their relationship quizzes were for chumps. The answers were always so obvious. “Are you a jealous girlfriend? When you see your boyfriend flirting with the pretty Gap salesgirl at the mall, do you: a) punch him in the balls; b) slink away to Sbarro’s because he obviously found someone better than you to go out with; or c) approach him amiably and put your arm around him, asking him if he has seen the Gap’s holiday collection of flannel boxers? If you chose a, you need to keep the green-eyed monster in check. If you chose b, you need to stand up for yourself more. If you chose c, you are really good at passing these quizzes.” The girls that were the greatest friends, girlfriends, and lovers when judged by the women’s magazine criteria were always the bitchiest, loneliest, most virginal girls when judged by my own criteria. That’s why I started subscribing to Playgirl at thirteen. Playgirl wasn’t constantly testing me, trying to find out what kind of person I was. Playgirl just said, “Hey, here are some fanciful pictures of penises for you, from me.” I was like a) I love you; b) You’re handsome; c) Let’s go steady. That was gross and not true at all.

Anyway the other day Noelle sent me a link to this Tickle personality test called Is He “the One”? I think there’s also a version for men. I still don’t know if Darren’s the one because the test didn’t ask about whether or not he was willing to give me the fifteen children I desire. The Tickle site features emotionally relevant quizzes like “Could You Be Seduced By a Celeb Babe?”, inexplicable quizzes like “What Kind of Swashbuckling Pirate Are You?”, and essential quizzes for clueless women like “Are You Having Enough Sex?” I learned a lot about myself, and about how I spend my time. If I was more active on MySpace I would publish my test results for all my friends, but then everyone on the internet would know that I’m a sex-crazed buccaneer who could easily be seduced into a six-way with the Spice Girls. Did you guys know that the Spice Girls are back? Well it’s true. They are back.

Take that, Waldorf school

Today I give you: evil fairies

This is the best one.

I want to go on a Disney cruise!

1) All-you-can-eat buffet

2) Cute fat kids

3) Not having to fly in an airplane

4) Sleeping

5) Reading

6) Swimming

7) Grown people dressed up like animals

8 ) Sex that seems inappropriate and wrong

Holiday Gifting Guide Part 1

1) If you live in Charlottesville, I suggest that you attend the Robot Wares & Record Fair at the Satellite Ballroom on Sunday, December 2nd. These girl and boy vendors sell their original crafts and artwork at low prices and all the money earned stays in the local economy. Some of it goes to poor, indie-rock babies in need of new ironic t-shirts.

2) If your friends and family don’t say things like, “It’s not a real gift if it didn’t cost you anything,” then visit this website for simple giving ideas.

3) Here is the site where you can buy handmade, one-of-a-kind gifts from artisans all over American. It’s somewhat overwhelming to navigate the millions of products, so expect to spend an hour or so browsing. You can find some cool stuff. I liked these napkins and these pot holders for instance. Unfortunately I already own napkins and potholders. My friend Diana sells her original jewelry on the site, and she’ll have a small presence at the Satellite’s Record Fair as well.

4) If your friends and family don’t say things like, “A can of live worms does not constitute a Christmas present,” then visit the OxFam online store and buy someone a goat.

5) Soon the Perfect Flavor customized ice cream store in Waynesboro will be open. Get your dry ice ready! Lynsie’s ice cream is made with all local, organic ingredients. No eels.

6) Another indie shopping site.

7) The EWG gift bag.

8 ) Attend the “Second Annual Holiday Home Show” with Little Tree Press, By Cary, and eight other talented local artists.

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9) It’s always a good idea to pay off someone else’s credit card bill. Especially when it’s mine.

10) I think websites make good gifts. If you are tech savvy, you can buy someone a URL and then install a WordPress blog for him or her. Maybe a Mimbo! I am trying to buy a URL for my little brother so he can start his thermal underpants company, but every URL he picked was already a porn site.

11) A year’s supply of toilet paper. Is anyone else sick of buying toilet paper? Is there an alternative? The toilet paper shopping never ends.

I am running out of ideas. Let’s make this Part 1 of the Holiday Gifting Guide.  Please write with suggestions or self promotion.

Tumbleweed Farm

A Midwestern woman wanted to teach herself web design so she created a joke website that sold tumbleweeds – The Prairie Tumbleweed Farm. Now she makes $40,000+ a year selling tumbleweeds to organizations like NASA and Hollywood.

Wow, judging from her website, it looks like she never got around to learning that web design.

Charitable Christmas gift

The Environmental Working Group is offering a superior gift bag equipped with a chemical-free water bottle and a cast iron pan for a charitable donation of $135. Get the bags while supplies last.

PS Did anyone else hear that Toys “R” Us accidentally printed an ad for Aqua Dots in their annual Christmas newspaper insert?