Here is a good article about Gawker.com from N + 1 Magazine. It’s about the perils of being a young, ambitious, and sarcastic woman who loves to write about life in the big city. I was careful not to learn any life lessons while reading it. Well, I learned one lesson. The internet loves bitches. Ten million page views a month! All for mocking easy targets like New York socialites, too-smart-for-their-own-good Ivy Leaguers, and Ayelet Waldman, who loves her husband Michael Chabon a little too much.
I cannot wait for the NPR Fresh Air website to be updated!
They won’t post today’s program until 6 p.m.! It’s so near and yet so far! I feel like I’m waiting to take Terry Gross’s virginity!
I am anxiously awaiting the online broadcast of Terry’s interview with Mark Shapiro, a reporter who has written a book called Exposed that investigates the prevalence of toxic chemicals in America. I only heard about ten minutes of the show when it was on this afternoon, when he very sheepishly admitted to being a smoker. He gave Terry a great interview though. He spent a lot of time comparing the American government’s regulation of toxic chemicals (whenever I say “toxic chemicals” I think of the Joker in Batman) to the European Union’s. Europe is so progressive on this issue, and the rest of the world is taking note. In a few years foreign countries will be exporting all their mercury, lead, flame retardant, and phthalate-laden electronics and toys to Americans, while they are sitting pretty on their organic sofas watching televisions made out of unbleached yarn.
Shapiro said there were two main reasons why the industrial lobby in the European Union has been so weak compared to the cosmetics/chemical manufacturer lobby in the US, which has effectively prevented the public from knowing what toxins they’re exposed to everyday. Shapiro said that:
a) In Europe, corporations aren’t allowed to give campaign contributions, and;
b) In Europe, the government pays for health care. How interesting! The European Union actually has an investment in keeping its people healthy, whereas in America we pay privately for health care. Who gives two shits if we all get sick in ten years from toxic chemicals (Batman?)? We’ll pay out of our own pocket for the medical nightmare and the cosmetic companies will still be rich and stuck in their benighted ways.
Whoa…this Diet Doctor Pepper is making me wild. It’s probably full of cancer! Somebody help me get off my soapbox and stop using exclamation points!
My show’s almost on!
Gag
Lydia Hearst is an artist.
“I sit down and I write what I’m thinking and what I feel—it happens all at once, I never stop writing. Probably when I go home tonight, I’m going to open my computer and just start typing… I always envision myself being a Hemingway type—sitting in a dark corner with my glass of, I guess it would be, my glass of tequila and lime juice– that’s how I do it.”
Recently, she’s been hanging out with a group of young people who call themselves “the 2.0.” They include a giddy gaggle of creative aspirants such as photographer Nadav Benjamin and musician and nude Internet dude Cisco Adler, whom she has dated.
“I would say my closest friends are probably the 2.0,” she said. “It’s not about a clique, it’s just about a group of people coming together and it’s a lifestyle—it’s a bond. … So many young people are wrapped up in the party scene. The great thing about everyone in this group is, we all have real jobs, we get up in the morning. We work and that’s what brought us together…We are hardly ever apart. It’s all artists—everyone in that group is successful in their own right, whether it is music, fashion, art, photography, business. We don’t want to compare ourselves to the Factory, because you can’t have the Factory without Andy Warhol, but essentially it is like a new wave and it’s a new style of living, and we are all just riding the wave, we are all being inspirational to each other and we are helping each other out and we are always there for each other, and we are hardly ever separated for more than a day—each one of us has the same mentality, which is breaking free of the mold that is the stereotype of society and the way that we are expected to be.”
Last month, the 2.0 gang went out and all got tattoos of a skeleton key; Lydia’s is on her inner right forearm. “The symbolism behind the skeleton key is that it opens every door and it’s bonded us together,” she said.
Today I am going writing out in Earlysville with my friend Selvi. Together we form an artistic movement called Future Warehouse. Yesterday we got matching tattoos on the back of our writing hands – the Chinese character that means “We’re better than you, so there.” We have a lot of ground to cover today, not only with our short stories but also with our mission statement and our indie theme song. My mom knows about the Future Warehouse movement, currently based in her pool house, and hopefully this afternoon she will bring us some tea and more money to fund our creative operations.
I can has LOLcat Wasteland
An excerpt from “LOLcat Wasteland” by Corprew Reed, inspired by T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland”:
1. IM IN UR WASTELAND BURYING UR DEAD
april hates u, makes lilacs, u no can has. (1)
april in ur memoriez, making ur desire.
spring rain in ur dull rootzes.earth in ur winter, covered in snow
can has potato. PO-TA-TO.
INVISIBLE SUMMER! RAININGZES!
im in ur hofgarden, drinking ur coffeez.at archduke’s haus, invisible sled!
im in ur moutainz, holding on tight.
no can has cheezburger.
oral sex metaphors in ur poem.in ur stones, whar r treez? (19)
whar r bushez?
ceiling cat cannot say.
im in redrock, hiding from sunz.
commin ze redrock.
im in ur handfull of dust,
showing ur fear.
redrock, redrock.whar r wind?
INVISIBLE IRISH GIRL
in ur homelandz, freshening ur windzcan has hyacinths,
no can has tongue.
Isolde u down teh rivers.
Sosotris Cat has smartz, (43)
can see bukkit,
dead sailorz in bukkit,
hooked on fonicians.
belladonna in ur rocks,
situating ur situations.
man has three staves,
turning wheelz,
INVISIBLE CARD.
Sosotris Cat no can has hanged man:
avoid bukkit or u drownz.
Leander Wapshot’s letter to Moses Wapshot
Leander Wapshot, one of the great characters in John Cheever’s Wapshot Chronicle, is the slightly neurotic patriarch of an old New England family. To keep him out of adulterous mischief, his cousin Honora lets him captain her boat, the Topaze, and ferry passengers down the river to the local fairgrounds. He loves his job. “‘Tie me to the mast, Perimedes,’ Leander used to shout when he heard the merry-go-round.”
But one stormy day he crashes his ferry on the rocks and it sinks “to the bottom of the sea.” He writes to his son Moses (in his unique style) for the money to repair his vessel:
“Topaze gone, how will I fare? Geezer as old as me begins to cherish his time on this earth but with Topaze gone days pass without purpose, meaning, color, form, appetite, glory, squalor, regret, desire, pleasure or pain. Dusk. Dawn. All the same. Feel hopeful sometimes in early morning but soon discouraged. Sole excitement is to listen to horse races on radio. If I had a stake could quickly recoup price to repair Topaze. Lack even small sum for respectable bet.
“Was generous giver myself. On several occasions gave large sums to needy strangers. One-hundred-dollar bill to cab starter at Parker House. Fifty dollars to old lady selling lavender at Park Street Church. Eighty dollars to stranger in restaurant who claimed son needed operation. Other donations forgotten. Cast bread upon waters, so to speak. No refund as of today. Tasteless to remind you but never spared the horses with family. Extra suit of sail for Tern. Three hundred dollars for dahlia bulbs. English shoes, mushrooms, hothouse posies, boat club dues and groaning board consumed much of windward anchor.
“Try to help old father if within means. If not, feel out acquaintances. There is one easy spender in every group of men. Sometimes gambler. Topaze good investment. Has shown substantial profit for every season, but one. Grand business expected in Nangasakit this year. Good chance of returning loan by August. Regret handkerchief tone of letter. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone.”
Leander’s wife Sarah is able to secure a loan from the same bank that turned down Leander, and with the money she converts the Topaze into “The Only Floating Gift Shoppe in New England,” breaking her husband’s nautical heart.
Editor for Hire
I wish that I could hire myself as an editor, but I am much better at telling other people what to do. It’s hard to detach myself from my own writing. That being said, I have a lot of editing experience, and I’d love to help you get your book published.
Something beautiful I read today
From Fiskadoro by Denis Johnson:
Leon Sanchez asked, “Are the women in with you madre, Fish-man?”
“My name Fiskadoro.” He was aware that mucus flowed from his nostrils, but he felt he would demean himself by wiping it away. “My father is dead.”
The others nodded. Harvard gouged a depression in the sand with his toes and placed his heel in it.
“My father is dead!” As soon as he’d said it, Fiskadoro saw he’d made it true again – again for the first time. Did it just go around and around? He began to see that his sorrow wasn’t simple. It wasn’t one thing, but a thousand things carrying him away to the Ocean: the work of a person’s life was to drink it.
So busy today!
Should I focus on…
a) finishing my novel and then trying to get it published, or
b) figuring out how I will coax my face to look this good on the book jacket? Book jacket pics are the new MySpace photos.
We’re all looking at you, Marisha Pessl, with your glamorous black and white publicity shot and your flashy website and your Bookslut interview. This is my favorite review of your overrated debut novel:
Over media hyped writer who has sandwiched a 200 page clever yet not very well concluded mystery in 500 pages of pretentious literary references. So great, Marisha — you’ve read a plethora of literature. Big deal – most good writers have but to thrown it into your writing to make yourself sound impressive — how sophomoric and shame on your editor for not cutting most of it out — a marketing ploy for sure. It is not so much a means of developing Blue’s bookish persona as a clever book selling idea to pack it with references to great works in literature — so that when these names get dropped in book reviews the work sounds more intellectual than it really is. Same with having the main character be a student at Harvard — ah, the mere mention of this great institution gives the character more merit than she deserves. (Why not have her go to your alma mater instead? — Barnard not good enough, huh?!!) Using great names and works of literature to beef up a so-so juvenile mystery.
People can be so mean! 🙂
Shhh my grandma’s sleeping
When Big Wis is trying to position herself comfortably in her sick bed, she describes it as “scrounging around.”
______________
This morning at the soccer game I was subbing out with another girl. We were talking a bit too loudly about how good the other team’s goalie looked in his short shorts. “Too bad he’s married,” I said, having seen him around.
“Actually, he’s married to me,” said a girl in cleats on the sidelines. Then she elbowed the hell out of me when I was defending her in the second half. Or maybe it was the other way around.
______________
I went to bed without dinner last night and before I fell asleep I had visions of eating chocolate chip mashed potatoes.
_____________
I’ve been stalking the writer Stacey Richter on her website. I’ve been leaving her self-obsessed comments meant to show her how clever I am. I hope no one ever does that on my site. Please remember, people, this website is about ME. Unless your comment makes me sound smart, popular, or mentions my cleavage, I am probably going to erase it. Let’s try to get two million viewers tomorrow! I’ll start!
I love you Stacey Richter
I only have one story left to read in Twin Study, and I don’t want to read it because then your book will be over and I don’t know when you will write another one. However in the course of writing this blog entry I discovered all your interviews and Q&As on the Stacey Richter website. I will try not to be entertained to death tonight. You are so special to me. I don’t want to die before you publish a novel.